The old me

How many times have we tried to free up the image we have when we look in the mirror of our old selves? As if we walk around like zombies just waiting to be zapped by lasers. After watching several Dr. Phil shows about the subject of labels and how we walk around even 15 or 20 years later marching the our preconceived label that we were pinned with. The nerd, the jock, the popular girl, the clown,the freaks, the loaners, what have you. I think if we really think about it we all have pieces of each label. But these days there are even more labels to subjected to for kids, ADHD, gifted, autistic, creative, alternative, gothic, and OCD. So if we walked around in school with the label of one of the above and we have not gotten over that the we end up passing the same things on to our children. In psychological terms there are chemical and other reasons why people behave and function in ways that they do. Then they also respond to the environment in which they were raised. So i am coming to terms with this very thing within myself and it is time to start talking to voices inside that keep reminding me of my flaws and my failures. I have to start forgiving the child I was for not standing up for myself when I could have. The biggest one is loving and accepting the person I am. If the world was a perfect place then people could be accepted for who they are. We could understand and even appreciate the fact that we can dislike people but we can respect each individual person for who they are.

I am going through a few self actualizing steps in order to free up the little voice inside. To free the old me I was from 20 years ago. To let go piece by piece anything standing in my way of sense of well being.

My aunt who is a hypnotherapist has helped me through guided relaxation therapy to open my eyes. She has helped me to come to terms with my ghost and then I still find times in which the ghost are there but don't completely leave. It is a wonderfully liberating experience that happens when you hear the guided imagery and words helping you out of the baggage you carry around. IT feel very wonderful. Its hard to find in the mixed up craziness of everyday life but its great to feel.

As mixed up about my old me and the self actualized person I am trying to be, I have the American dream life. I talk a lot about that. I knew that no matter what family was really important. Connections, meaningful relationships, are all important in life. Being able to give of myself in exhange for mutual understand, love and respect is priceless. IF i had known as a child that all you have to do is wait and see that when you are in your 30's you will understand. You will be able to discover the best friends in life were the few who stood by you or you stood by will still be there. The ones that invested little to no time into your well-being you will discover actually being OK with wishing them well in their life but be completely content going your separate ways.

The old me is tired and sore. The old me wants to be set free from labels, judgment, and most importantly is ready to be forgiven by me. I am my own worst enemy. Labels, and judgment set by others are a small percentage compared to the labels and judgments I hold against myself. But if I don't come to terms with it I will not be helping my children become self-actualized themselves. The cycle is not fun and can be pretty messy even.

This old me will never really go away because of what i went through and who I was helped to make the person I am today. But its all I have to say right now.